The Beard Diaries: act II (and other random stuff)

Well, it's been a week and as such I bring you "Beard Watch: 2011!".

I fear said beard may have reached a growth plateau. It's tough to say though. One bonus is that it doesn't seem to itch as much, so I got that going for me. Sadly there have been no advances on the sideburns front; several regions still remain vacant (a surefire sign of Keanu Reeves syndrome. See below).

notice the distinct unpopulated areas like hair deserts

But I've yet to even reach the Keanu level as there is too little growth. We'll see what it looks like at the end of harvest (if I can last that long....that's what she said). Here's the picture update of current "growth". 

Still very little outside of the goatee region and yes that is my fabulous rhinestone mirror.

Other Fun Random stuff:

-Got drunk for the first time in Australia. Funny enough the room spins counter-clockwise in Australia instead of clockwise like back home.

-Went running today or should I call it a cricket genocide. These things are everywhere. Why they chose to stay right below where my shoe is about to land, I don't know. That and I think I noticed that they all fed upon their dead brethren, so it goes. Savages. Was a good run though, maybe the suicidal crickets provide extra cushioning..  

-I forgot how working a harvest is like a paid exercise program (since my last harvest was more desk-oriented). I'm on like a Michael Phelps calorie per day program and still somewhat withering away. I'm assuming it has more to do with the fact that I'm not drinking tons of Sierra Nevada everyday...kinda do miss fresh Sierras though.  Either that or my body is focusing energy on beard growth (and failing).

-I got paid but don't have my debit card yet which puts me in a bit of a quandary. And of course the bank was not open on my day off. It just doesn't get it.

-As of now, I think I'm still the only American in town. I guess that sort of makes me a diplomat. Which means I can commit crimes and have diplomatic immunity. Who to rob first? Maybe there's some place with money in sacks with dollar symbols on them, since everything is in coin form here.
-Got given an extra dollar in change at the grocery store by accident (or arithmetic incompetence). Gave it back to test theories on Karma.
-Big right toe has been slightly numb (unfortunately not comfortably) for the last 5 days. Pondering if it's also somehow connected with the right shoulder blade pain that has been going for about 5 days also.
-Triple J is one of the government run radio stations out here. It's actually really good and doesn't have commercials (check it out http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/). Speaking of music, two songs I've currently been jamming to: In a big country by Big Country and Home by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros. Maybe I'll post the videos below. Done. Gotta love that 80's hair btw.

Harvest Update:

Anywho, for those actually curious about how harvest is going (I think that's the reason I'm here), here's a low down (DISCLAIMER: some of this might not makes sense to many of you. Actually who am I kidding, no one is reading this). Not the best year for grapes in Australia to put it lightly. Apparently, there was moderate rain back in bloom (or maybe it was veraison) that set up for latent botrytis. A couple weeks ago, walking through the vineyard you could see individual grapes with botrytis and other showing slip skins. Then came the rain. It rained for about 4 days straight. So some botrytis is now a lot of botrytis. Cab fared better than Shiraz naturally. I'm pretty sure many Shiraz lots won't even get picked due to the high levels of bunch rot; even handpicking wouldn't be worth while. That being said, some stuff was brought in early to help prevent the mold from really getting going. And there are several drums of concentrate ready to go into some juices; they will be needed. That's all for meow.

Even some Cab Sauv is succumbing to botrytis (the shiraz looks much worse and  bot is more prevalent throughout the vines)

(Now to see what grammatical error Hillary finds this time.)

When the Lights go Down on Penola

I just happen to be listening to the Journey song "Lights" and it kind of made me miss working and living in Cali (give it a listen if you haven't heard it (Video Posted at the end of page). It's about the bay area which is why I mention the Cali thing. Oh and the blog title is a line from the song...I'll let you guess which word doesn't belong).

Anyway, here's some more fun stuff I've noticed while here:

-The plugs for higher amp equipment at the winery uncannily resemble the Southern Cross constellation. I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence (see below).

-Beer is almost like a precious commodity; it's crazy expensive (apparently cause it's taxed at like 50% to stop people from drinking too much....yeah, looks like it's working really well). If there is a mercantile exchange here, I hoep beer is on it and I want to buy futures in it....then drink the profits.

I spent $56 on a case of this. A 6 pack was $20 so do the math.

-The $2 coin is the smallest coin....wtf???? I mean seriously, it's like the size of a dime. I think I'm out $10 cause these things are so easy to lose. But either way, I refuse to carry around change so I currently have a ziplock bag with like $70 of change sitting in it.
-March madness means nothing out here. For all they know it's some fall induced schizophrenia.
-Toilets don't really go clockwise, much to my chagrin. They are more like a waterfall and supposedly that whole counter clockwise/clockwise thing is a sham (never thought the Simpsons would lie to me. So sad.)
-Australians love butter. Seriously. It's on all sandwiches, loaded up on toast, smothered on hot-cross buns. Name a food, some Aussie has probably spread butter all over it, ha, which reminds me of a Seinfeld episode. "Butter, Kramer, butter, Kramer..."

"Hey Buddy"

-They say "how ya going" instead of "how's it going"...I'm currently thinking of adopting this and bringing it back to the states and forcing it upon the population.
-Crickets outnumber millipedes, which outnumber spiders, which outnumber Kangaroos, which outnumber animals that could easily kill you, which outnumber people. (On a sidenote, New Zealand apparently has no poisonous spiders...what did theydo,  ship all them to Australia???WTF mate?
-Working long hours really isn't that bad when you have nothing better to do than spend your free time writing a stupid blog.

The Harvest Beard or How to be Even Less Attractive to Women (with a bonus ramble at the end cause I'm out of it!)

So for some unknown reason, possibly laziness possibly forgetting my razor, I stopped shaving and decided I would go through harvest without doing so. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in a previous post but I believe it deserves its very own because it slowly is becoming animate.

I'm currently starting week 4 of not shaving. I can't quite properly describe that which is currently growing on my face. What I can say is that it is a little itchy and good at catching grape juice from the numerous barrel siphons I have to do each day. I guess I would describe it as a lot here, not so much here, here or here, oh and a distinctive gap where sideburns would normally be. I would put a picture up but I fear no one would ever return to read this blog  (I added one...oh boy) It strikes that much fear in the heart of man. I can only imagine what my coworkers think. But alas, I'm going to see if I can't keep it going at least a month or so. I told one dude at work and he said he would join in my cause. I should make a charity or website or something "Beard for a cure", all proceeds go towards a clean barbershop shave or maybe alopecia universalis patients (almost makes sense...look it up if you don't know what it is).

obvious concern

Perhaps the most interesting part of this facial beast is the fact that its black except for numerous scattered blonde hairs. It's like there's a racial divide in my hair follicles; only time will tell if they can live peacefully side by side or whether one will oust the other in a bloody coup d'etat (better load up on after shave).

I haven't been getting a ton of sleep so I'm not even sure if any of this is going to make real sense or if it just makes sense in my mind. And I refuse to proofread it, so I'm assuming its riddled with words left out and "is" taking the place of "in" and what not.

Now I'm just going to stray off topic and none of this will probably be amusing so no need to read it really. I had a weird thought the other day: there is a thin line between hero and fool. I just wonder how often someone tries to do something heroic but just kinda fails and people are like "he really shouldn't have tried to do that", but I think more people should try more often. It might have something to do with an effect seen where people in large groups tend not to act because they assume someone else will but often no one does. This brings me to another random point: the existence of the truly self-less act. They say it doesn't exist and that the self-gratitude makes all acts of kindness somewhat selfish. But I disagree, I believe situations arise where you help someone out, you really don't want to, and afterwards you fell worse for doing so. Doesn't that make it self-less? Cause the person doing the act has gotten nothing out of it, right? I dunno, this is type of stuff that pops in your mind after several 12 hour work days and little sleep. It's almost funny, I'm already withering away (despite eating pretty well); I'm having to go like the dude from "into the wild" and add holes to my belt. Perhaps it's from a complete lack of drinking. Either way, I don't like it. I only have 2 pairs of work pants and I need them to fit for the next 2 months. Ahh well, I really am rambling now; I'm like an old man recounting tales from the past only the tale is a reconstruction of several other separate stories... "I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah."

Vegemite: A Haiku

Breakfast spread delight
The toast yearns for salty gold
So soon, delicious

Penola: The Biggest Little City in Lower Southeast Southern Australia

So yesterday I arrived in the city where I will spending the next 3 months or so: Penola, South Australia. This emerging metropolis has a booming population of 1,200 people. I can only assume that I will be the only American in town, for better or worse. I have yet to check out the town but I'm sure I'll have a few minutes free later today to handle that. I only pray that there is at least some sort of pub nearby where I can occasionally grab a brew. Luckily, it sounds like there will not be much down time before I start working as grapes are already coming in 2 days.

On the plus side the little mobile broadband thing I got seems to be working well so communication with the outside world will still be possible (though I think video skype might quickly use up my data usage, we shall see). I'm living in a medium sized house with an older couple. My room is actually pretty big with a queen sized bed, which is nice. So at least I will sleep well (as you can see I've already neatly made my bed).

My bedroom

Tomorrow I'll hopefully get to find out what exactly I'm going to be doing this harvest. Hopefully it all works out well. Also hope my coworkers are cool otherwise it's gonna be a loner kind of harvest (maybe I can finally write that great novel...."remember that novel? that novel you've been talking about? been talking about that for some time? got yourself a protagonist? beginning, middle and end?" ok, I'll stop).

Well I got nothing else for now. Still got some pretty incredible pics from NZ I need to get up. See if I can't figure that out today.

Oh, and unbeknownst to me, this is actually the Australian national anthem; had no idea:

New Zealand V: The Final Chapter or I know why the caged kiwi sings or S is for Sheep

So I'm currently sitting in Christchurch airport surrounded by hundreds of sleeping backpackers. It's amazing how well they adapt to sleep in any conditions. I guess it's a necessary skill to be able to sleep in sub-par accommodations. The current go-to sleeping position seems to be curled up against the large concrete pillars that fill the terminal. A small herd has taken over some carpeted benches and are resting like seals on rocks. I'm going to study them, see how they interact in this new environment. Anyway, I figure this is as good a time as any to write the epitaph for my NZ trip (keep in mind that I drove for roughly 10 hours today and am respectively tired....typos are inevitable).

The past couple days were spent in a town called Te Anau. It's the nearest town to Milford sound: a huge fjord that has some of the most ridiculous views I've ever seen (pictures to be posted shortly). I went out on a boat which basically went around the whole thing. Got to see some dolphins, and some species of New Zealand seal. But really it was all about the crazy views and waterfalls.

After that, it was back to Queenstown. I enjoyed a few adult beverages there and the next morning set off on the final segment of roadtrip. Luckily the weather was still perfect (which it had been almost the entire time). I b-lined it straight across the country to a place called Moeraki. It's a small place on the coast where these gigantic spherical boulders scatter the beach. They are strange mud concrete balls that formed in the ground and have appeared due to erosion of the beach. They are on average about 5 feet in diameter and qutie smooth on the surface. Check out the wikipedia page for a description of what they exactly are and how they formed (cause I still don't really get it): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moeraki_Boulders

From there, I cruised up the coast and stopped in a town called Oaomaru. It's a strange super victorian town. The cool thing about it though, is that tons of blue penguins flock there. There were kinda far away but I got to see them wandering around and even saw a NZ spotted seal (I think); I waited patiently for it to take on some penguins in combat but it never transpired.

I eventually got to the airport at 12:30; kept alive by flat whites and an incredible ipod playlist. Diversion: A few from the list that I feel really get you amped for driving:
- Jet Airliner: The Allman Brothers
-Roll Down the Highway - Bachman Turner Overdrive
-Midnight Rider - The Allman Brothers
-Smokin' - Boston
-Carry on Wayward Son - Kansas
-Rock and Roll Band - Boston
...Just to name a few

Getting back to my story then. I made it to the airport alive and am currently waiting to get on my flight. I get into Melbourne at 8:30am and after customs and bus ride/train ride, I'll probably be in the city center round 12 and in desperate need of a shower (though it will be unattainable till ~6). Figure I'll check out some museums and wander around. Two days in Melbourne then its off to Mt Gambier to get picked up by my boss and see what I've really gotten myself into out here.

Also of note, I haven't shaved for almost 2 weeks and am contemplating having the harvest equivalent of a hockey playoff beard (if I'm even capable of growing one, which I'm not to sure of. Current status is near the point of how Keanu Reeves looks in the Matrix after not shaving i.e. pretty patchy and gross). Also, I think I'm going to start using the wine rating scale for everything in life. This New Zealand trip got like a 91. The speed at which I got through security at the airport ~89.

-Final flat white count ~21
-Bacon and eggs consumed - every single morning for breakfast (My arteries have quickly become filled with what is more of a gravy than blood at this point. My cholesterol level is now just represented by the limit as bacon approaches infinity (yikes math jokes, watch out. Let's weed out who took calculus).
-Money spent on beer - too much (just because the exchange rate is in my favor doesn't mean spending $50 on beer in a sitting is acceptable)

More fun (and actually true this time) New Zealand facts:

-Tire (as in car tires) is spelled tyres. Go fygure.
-Truck drivers flash their turn as they pass other truckers on the opposite side of the road (at night anyway) as like a "hey dude". I tried to join the fellowship but received no turn signal flash back. I guess my big-rig of a Nissan Sunny just didn't cut it.
-You can get lamb in any restaurant and it's delicious. It's just magically tender everywhere. I guess because they just kinda lounge around in the countryside preparing themselves to be devoured by myself. So it goes.
-Speights really is the Budweiser of NZ and I grew quite fond of it just as I do it's red canned counterpart.
-Hitchhiking is very much alive in NZ. It's like the 60's never left, which is how my ipod playlist seemed.
-eggs are better. simply put.
-kiwi fruit grows on a vine (who knew)

sorry this entry was less comical, my brain no work good from not enough sleep getting. Now lets all go back to that place, where the bed..and TV...is...(sorry, Simpsons jokes).

New Zealand IV: A New Hope or I Like my Coffee Black and My Flat White

As previously mentioned, the flat white is the greatest thing I've discovered so far on this trip (aside from the incredible scenery, of course). It is breakfast ambrosia; or in Maori "Te anu ohi nahe" (actually I completely made that up, but I bet they have a word for it that translates to "delicious drink of the white man" or something similar). The current flat white count is at about 16 so far since I left the states (but they're good for you, right?). I'm not sure what exactly what the difference really is between a flat white and a latte (I think it's how much milk is used or something) but it sure makes them taste better. Anyway, enough about the greatest beverage to grace my presence since beer, here's what's been going down on the trip:

Yesterday was spent doing an epic hike to a neighboring peak along side Franz Josef Glacier. It was much longer than I expected (that's what she said) and apparently half a bottle of water was not quite enough. Near the end I was rationing out droplets like at the end of  the movie 127 hours (thankfully I didn't have to chop a limb off). As is always the case, a brutal pace was kept thus making the hike that much more enjoyable (Corey knows what I'm talking about: a hike is to say you did it, not to enjoy it). After reaching the summit though, the views were very much worth the copious amounts of sweat that were exuded by my body (i.e. below...the views that is).

end of 80's sitcom themes continue: "My Two Glaciers"

Today we trucked our way south to Queenstown. Easily was the best scenic drive of the trip so far. Tons of lakes and cool hillsides. The lakes were all an eerie aquamarine set against a bright green of the hillside and often with mountains nearby also. Pretty sure they are all fake (i.e. picture below; obviously photoshopped). Queenstown, itself, seems like an awesome little town; glad I'll be coming back to it in a day (after a Milford Sound trip).

All new pics up on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2704692&id=5704569

...stay tuned for New Zealand V: The Search for Wool Boxers

New Zealand III: The El Camino is Alive and Well and Living in New Zealand

I've noticed one odd thing about New Zealand (and actually Australia for that matter), they have a penchant for cars that have truck beds (i.e. like the El Camino pictured below). A car that failed miserably in the US during the 70's now prospers here down under. Go figure.

So yesterday was spent at Hamner Springs. It's a sulfur hot springs in the middle north of the south island (whoa too many directions). It was OK, but kinda turned out to be like a hot tub amusement park. I expected natural springs in like natural rock pools or something, but it was just like a waterpark with large hot tubs everywhere filled with water from the naturals hot springs (I think) and little kids everywhere....and they would not stop screaming. There were a couple pools that were filled with only the natural sulfur spring water (others I think were treated (I hope)). I got in for about two minutes before being overwhelmed by the smell of H2S; it was like I was in a pool of deviled eggs and I was the paprika.  

I'm currently sitting in a bar in the town of Hokitika on the west coast. Unfortunately it been overcast and rainy, but this is just a mid-point stop anyway. One bright note is that this place has the cheapest beers so far of the trip, so naturally I have a small pitcher sitting in front of me (of Speights, my new go-to brew). Yesterday, the water was not drinking-safe from the faucet, so I had to drink Speights to survive; now I owe it my business. 

Tomorrow should consist of an epic hike along Franz Josef glacier. Incredible pictures to follow (hopefully). 

New Zealand II: Speights is New Zealander for Budweiser

Since I am currently sitting drinking a can of speights (and oddly enough wearing a budweiser t-shirt) I came to the conclusion that speights is the cheap but decent beer of New Zealand (also it is oddly amusing how the can has people running, kayaking and biking lining the top of the it (see below). Probably should have people pissing outside, walking in non-straight lines, and waking up hungover at the top instead...but i digress). New Zealand is pretty incredible despite the fact that it's obviously a sham; I mean come on, mountains everywhere? beaches, water, and mountains all in the same place? Not possible.

Yesterday was spent at Abel Tasman national park located in the very north of the south island. It's pretty incredible; there's a long trail you can hike with beaches you can exit off to and take over. I claimed one beach for myself and spent an hour there. I fought off a few local seagulls with a stick and loud noises. I then decided to have a hand at shucking mussels that was nearby (there were tons of them). After getting one open and getting a look at it, I remembered I had forgotten my skillet, butter, shallots, white wine, garlic, and fork so I opted out of eating it. In all seriousness though, if I had known whether or not it was safe to eat I would have (I still have no idea whether it would have been ok). All in all it was a great hike and luckily the weather was perfect.

Anyway, I'm getting too tired to write anymore. Here's some more fun facts about New Zealand:

-The national animal is actually not the kiwi but the sheep (kiwi's are actually a hoax like trolls, elves and eskimos)
-Oddly enough the national flower is also the sheep
-Money is actually made out of wool (and will go through inflation if you put it in the dryer)

Also, pics should be up on facebook if you want to check them out

New Zealand: Dumb things. Smart things or "The Trials and Tribulations of Sir Arthur Wellington Canterbury II"

I'm dumb: So today I arrived in New Zealand (whoa whoa, slow down there maestro; There's a New Zealand?). So after making it though all the hoopla that is customs (no I'm not declaring any of the wine that is constantly with me. get over it.), I finally made it out to the luggage collection area. Having realized I'd drank about 8 waters during the flight, I decided I'd better use the bathroom prior to my drive to Akaroa (over an hour away). So I waltzed into the restroom, and found myself moderately befuddled: "Only stalls here in New Zealand, eh? weird, but I'll go with it." Upon evacuation of my bladder, I left my stall and washed my hands. I then turned around, used the hand drier, and happened to look over to my left. At first glance, I thought it was one of those advil/condom machines but upon further investigation, I realized I had made a moderately large mistake using this bathroom; it was a tampon machine and needless to say I'd made a wrong turn somewhere since leaving Australia. I scurried out and felt somewhat lucky that no one been aware of my mistake. I can only wonder what the women in stalls next to me might have thought as they heard a small waterfall briefly existing eerily nearby.

Not so dumb?: Before leaving the states, I had a brief moment of clarity and decided to bring my tape-adapter for my iPod in the chance that my rental car might actually be able to use it. After getting all my bags and having the rental car company pick me up, I was finally able to get my car. As I looked into the driving seat I realized my small stroke of genius had not been for naught: there before me was a cassette deck. Yes, the car I had rented was old enough that it actually had a tape deck (either that or New Zealand is vastly behind the times...note to self: start buying futures in CD's for New Zealand). So this road trip will at least have a decent soundtrack (and I'm pretty sure some amazing scenery to boot).

the holy tape adapter

Other dumb stuff: having a $65 meal for myself. Granted though, this was NZ dollars (which are nubbs) and it was my only meal in the past 2 days, so I'd earned it.

Other not so dumb stuff: N/A. Check back later.


And some other random things of note:

-New Zealand does indeed have a vast abundance of sheep. Saw a Ugg-load on the drive to Akaroa. The tales are true!
-Driving on the left hand side, not so difficult. Parallel parking on the left hand side, somewhat more difficult (and amusing for those who got to watch me attempt it today).
-Traffic seems to have followed me to New Zealand as it took me over and hour to get outside the city
-I finished a book while beaching it in Bondi. This is a rare occurrence for those of you that know me. So be on the look out for 4 dark horsemen...and vast unrest in the middle east......oohhhhhh boyy...(That John Cusack was right! let's just hope his hottub time machine works and can save us all.)

Also, at 10:45 pm NZ time on 3/1/11, I felt my first quake aftershock. Pretty crazy, room just kinda wobbled around like jello.

View driving into Akaroa, NZ