***END AUSTRALIA CAMPAIGN***

Thus ends the known documentation from the Australian Campaign February 2011 through May 2011. Go to http://davisinusa.blogspot.com to follow what's next.

Australia: I hardly knew ye or Blogpocalypse Now

Well, that's it. The jar of vegemite being empty, I packed my things and left Australia.

"I love the smell of vegemite in the morning....smells like...freedom, actually no, more like a strange yeast spread"

Overall, despite my not being able to see nearly as much as I wanted to, I still think it was a successful journey. The winery was great and I think I learned a fair bit. My free-time outside work was somewhat (read extremely) boring, but this led to that many more blog posts, so aren't you all happy.

Yep, about what my Friday nights looked like.

I was able to get to 4 of Australia's states: New South Wales, South Australia, Victoria, and Tasmania (though not nearly enough time in NSW and Tassie). I'll just have to go back for the rest.
(I'm beginning to notice it's much more difficult to be creative and witty when you're not bored out of your mind and 4 Cooper's deep.)

Things that will be missed from Australia:

-Coopers Sparkling Ale - I adopted him into my family and made him my own and now he's moving on with his life. Goodbye Coopers, may we meet again someday, perhaps via online beer order.
-Readily available Vegemite - I'm pretty sure somewhere in Australia they sell liter sized jars of vegemite. I'm going to find this online and order it (as of now, I haven't been able to easily find it stateside but the search will continue, oh yes, it will continue).
-Kangaroos - I still find it hilarious how they are just kind of everywhere and don't really care. Also, I hear they hide gold in their pouches.

"hand me a beer, gordie"

-Inordinate amounts of cursing - I think most adjectives, verbs, and adverbs are four letter words in Oz (or variants there of). Really made me feel at home. I mean, come on, where else to get to hear the term "fuck-knuckle" being used jokingly at work. I suppose a lot of sailors did settle in Australia.
-Triple J - I really fell for the music out there. Obviously not all of what they played was good but a decent amount of it was good and new to me. Luckily I can stream it through iTunes.
-Flat Whites - breakfast ambrosia. It will be sorely missed. I even forced myself to have one before leaving, when I was still sick and not supposed to be having dairy...it was worth it.

"I want you inside me....oh hey, from before"

Things that won't be missed so much:

-Boredom- Sorry Penola, but there is nothing to do in your township. Never good when work becomes the exciting part of the week. However, boredom did let me get in decent shape since I had nothing better to do but go running and stuff in my free time (3 inches off the waist, 10 lbs and 5% body fat gone...suck on that Jenny Craig. Just go work a harvest in Oz if you wanna get in shape)
-Insects - soooo many millipedes....soooo many crickets. I think I may be a certified exterminator now with the number of these two stupid insects that I've dealt with.
-Corned beef- just really am not a fan and yet it was one of my meals like every week. I still don't even know what the hell it is. I can only assume it's corn and beef mixed together (go figure some stupid british food idea). Either that or they grow a type of cow in vast fields like corn. Definitely not gonna miss it.
-The Ute - as nice as it was to have something to drive out there, it would have been that much better it was able to go more than 100km at a time and had power steering and mirrors.
-the stupid coins - $2 coins?!? why?!? I still have a bag full of coins that I can't do anything with but is probably worth $50....ahhh well...I should have just left it in a kangaroo pouch
-Renting a room - my second time doing this now, and I'm never doing it again. Always feel like a prisoner confined to his room for the whole time.


Final Facts about Australia:

-lots of sheep, lots of cows, even more bugs, and every tree is a Eucalyptus tree.
-tasmanian devils dont spin or destroy trees as much as I was led to believe.
-strange american movies are always on tv....really never thought I'd see "Down Periscope" again on TV...granted I still don't understand how Kelsey Grammer was snubbed for an oscar with his brilliant performance

One of the many movies randomly played on Aussie Tv.....I don't get it either. Maybe they get a discount on all the shitty movies or something.

-beer costs more than gold and yet still somehow is consumed in quantities beyond the imagination. I swear the government must be swimming in cash from alcohol taxes.
-speaking of beer, little known fact: kangaroo pouches can be used as mobile coolers (the pouch changes colors when the beer is rocky mountain cold)
-Outback steakhouses are actually on every corner and all Australians eat there at least once a week while consuming copious amounts of Fosters oilcans and watching Crocodile Dundee movies.

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed reading the ramblings of a bored dude in Australia. Who would have thought a town of only 1000 people wouldn't have not a lot going on? BTW, this will most likely be the final post. Now on to finding another job in California (anyone got a full time winery position out there for me?). Probably won't have a blog going while out there since there is just slightly more to do there than in Penola (but really, no offense Penola, no yeah, it is awesome and exciting the Mary Mackillop started her school there).Sorry this post wasn't funny or interesting; the end of so many things is always a lackluster event, so it goes.  So, goodnight frog, goodnight blog, goodnight kangaroo jumping over the blog.

Bonus: Tassie Devils doing what they do best - eat:

"But to us too it seems that this will be a good place to stop"


But before I go, for the final blog, my favorite Australian songs from my time in OZ:

Hungary Kids of Hungary - The Vacationer

Andy Bull - Last Waltz

San Cisco - Golden Revolver

Hungary Kids of Hungary - Let You Down

"I love you guys. Thanks for coming to my [blog]"

Dante Davis's Inferno (updated 21/5/11 I mean 5/21/11, forgot I'm back stateside)

The 5 circles of hell:

Hobart - Melbourne
Melbourne - Sydney
Sydney - Los Angeles
Los Angeles - Memphis
Memphis - Washington DC

Each with its own pitfalls and perils. Sydney to Los Angeles will be the longest journey, but will it present the most challenging path? Only our young traveler will find out and only he has the chance to make it to hell and back again...and eventually to DC.

The first circle posed some danger - a window seat was given. However, the journey was short and made shorter by sleep. This stage was no problem for the traveler.

What will the next levels hold? We shall soon find out and find out the fate of our troubled traveler.

Update: 2nd level complete. Slept the entire way.

The traveler now finds himself before a daunting task. Hopefully sleep will once again carry him through...

Epilogue:

And sleep was able to help me through. I made it through unscathed and actually wasn't sick during my journey home (that is, until I got home and ate too much food but I knew that would happen).

It ended up being no where near as bad as it could have been. The only low-light being when I fell had a microsleep and spilled my coke all over my pants in just a way to make it appear I peed myself (so I got to deal with that on my last leg of the journey) but overall I can't complain.

I'd like to pay some special thanks to the makers of codeine, drammamine, immodium, and the antibiotics I'm taking; It was a team effort and you all played your part in helping me make it home. We'll never forget flights 16, 7309, and 1734....good times. Although I made it back, I still feel like I left a piece of me somewhere out there in Tasmania......that piece of course being part of my intestinal wall which ultimately I probably did leave there.

Sorry if the blogs have been somewhat segmented and disjointed the past few times; not eating for days on end seems to have a detrimental effect on thought processing. I'll be sure to make the last entry decent one.

I leave you with a picture of a kangaroo itching his belly (from a park in tasmania):

I really wish I had been prepared and took a video of this. This guy scratched himself for like 5 seconds and loved it.

Mark's 6 day diet plan or 2011 hates me or (what would have been) Tasmania-mania

Unfortunately, my cholera joke in the previous post was not far off and instead of losing 4 days, I've lost 6.

Mark's 6 day diet plan: don't eat for six days. lose all water weight through gastroenteric means. too easy, ok, pay me hollywood.

I've been playing regional medical facilities review here in Hobart, Tasmania.

I can't do this...still no energy. 2011 sucks....I'll write this last terrible post later. /Maybe while im dying at the airport.


Ok, to summarize. The great ocean road was pretty awesome, even if I enjoyed it in somewhat agony. I still managed to struggle through a couple small hikes and check out the sites. Hopefully some of my pictures turned out well. Ended up staying in Lorne for a night which seemed like it would be a really cool beach town in the summer. Also, made it out to belle's beach on what looked like a pretty solid surf day. Best thing I overheard was from a middle aged guy running down the dock "I gotta be quick, mate. Only got about 30 minutes left on my lunch break". Keeping in mind that the water is about 50 degrees Fahrenheit right now, maybe colder. That's dedication.

A good portion of my time in Tasmania was spent lying in a hospital bed. I think in the end I was administered 8 liters of saline over my two days there (I was moderately dehydrated). Aside from that, I thought they were a pretty ineffective group; no medicine was dished out to me till the last day and not much in the way of testing was going on. I still don't think I've been given a definitive answer on what it is I have. I guess at least they were nice and got my fluids back in order. And so its clear, I didn't go to the hospital initially, I was referred there by a doctor at a clinic.

I was either: very important or very contagious. Either way, my own private bathroom.

After finally being done my hospital time, I decided I had to do something while in Tas, so Chris, John and myself started headed towards Port Arthur to see what we could see.

Along the way we ran across the Tasmanian Devil Park which does rehab for animals, in particular Tas devils.  This was definitely the highlight of the day. Got to see tons of little tassie devils and watch them eat which is somewhat hilarious. Also though, there was a huge section where you walk in and there are just tons of kangaroos hanging out. At first we were timid and not sure if we were supposed to be in there but we gradually realized that you could just kinda hang out with the roos. It was pretty hilarious. I shook a roos hand; again playing diplomat for australio-american relations. (I'll get some pics up eventually).

Also, forgot to mention this, during the ocean road trip we ran across an Echida chillin by one of the parking lots we were in. So we got out and checked it out. These are the funniest little creatures. Quills all over its back, a long ant eating mouth, and of course, it lays eggs. This one did not care about us in the slightest. We went right up to it and just watched as he scoured for ants. We could have easily touched, if it's entire body wasn't made of knives. (I'll put pics up for this later too)

So at least I got a little bit of something out of Tasmania. With the brief time I got to see it, I might have to say it was the most scenic part of Australia. Around Hobart, it almost reminded me of the pacific northwest.

Mark has cholera. Lose 4 days.

unlucky  (ʌnˈlʌkɪ)  — adj 1. characterized by misfortune or failure: an unlucky person ; anunlucky chance 2. ill-omened; inauspicious: an unlucky date 3. Mark Davis So I woke up at 6 am today sweating profusely. This intrigued me because my room stays at a bitterly cool 55 degrees generally (during the night anyway). I then realized I wasn't exactly hot but instead quite cold. This paradox was not a fun situation. I got up to get some water to try and get my body back in order. This worked somewhat and I fell back to sleep. I awoke 4 hours later not doing so well. Uncontrollable shaking and a strong urge to vomit.  "I'm not doing so good, Pearl" I got out of bed, attempted to make breakfast, and took a shower. I was soon reunited with my breakfast in what is easily the worst ab workout possible. To make matters worse the seemingly sealed box I used was in fact not water-tight at all. You and me, Jerry. Anyway, after a clean up job. I decided I def needed to get myself some aspirin or something to help what I can assume was a fever, though without a thermometer, who knows. All this is very bad because later today I get picked up and head out for a road trip along the great ocean road then a flight to Tasmania. So this is just another tale of my incredible luck when it comes to sickness. It's like my body knows when something important is on the horizon and rebels. So it looks like my road trip along the great ocean road may end up being like an old western wagon journey, where one guy lays in the back moaning.  In conclusion, I hope this is not the flu and that I'll be alright by tomorrow. I'm currently willing my body to sort it self out. Shit, then I have 3 flights. I might have to go old asian lady mode and wear one of the masks so I don't infect 200 people. "herro? No! I said sell City Wok stock!" I'll report later with hopefully great tales from the ocean road and Tasmania that don't involve my corrupt bodily functions and fever-induced hallucinations. Almost forgot. Here's some more music (not aussie this time): My Morning Jacket - Holding onto black metal Ahh, we'll throw in one aussie song: Hungry kids of Hungary - Let you Down

A Ruse for the 'Roos or One Final Weak Week for Whiny Wine Work, Finally

5 days of "work" remain and only 6 days in Penola. That still leaves me with one more Sunday of trying to figure out what I can still do on my day off (ended up sleeping in, then going to Mount Gambier buying some silly Rutherglen Tokays, then hitting the coast and coming back...not as exciting as it sounds). After visiting the Naracoorte Caves national park today, I think I've expended all interesting things within a 100km radius (which happens to be about as far as my ute can travel without overheating or breaking apart at the seams).

Anyway, as previously mentioned, I visited the Naracoorte Caves National Park. It is located about 60 klicks north of penola near the Cambodian border, or not really (klicks always makes me think of Vietnam war movies) but it is indeed 60km north of Penola. It is a World Heritage Site, which apparently doesn't hvae to mean it's awesome. I guess I shouldn't hate on it too much. There were several caves that were interesting but not crazy interesting. I think the most exciting part of my day was tracking down some Kangaroos (which I really could have done anywhere without paying the $25, but I digress and need to stop complaining. It was still somewhat interesting and I probably missed all the really interesting parts by not reading up on it first).

I think they spotted me. Knew I should have packed my ghillie-suit.

The other quasi-interesting aspect of the park was a section in the information center. It involved you walking through an area set up to recreate Australia from about 60000-100000 years ago. All around me were animated recreations of strange marsupials that no longer roamed Australia. There was a large kangaroo/koala hybrid that supposedly weighed around 250kg, some large wombat looking thing, Tassie tigers, and a bunch of other crazy crap on the walls. The funny thing is that all these things moved; it was like being at an ancient Australian Chuck-E-Cheeses only instead of a giant skateboarding mouse and banjo playing bear there was a koalo/kangaroo mutant and a giant wombat-hippo...and they didn't sing happy birthday or anything. I don't know why but I still found myself watching them for extended periods of time just to see if they did something out of the ordinary; you know? like after the 20th repetition the kangaola (the mutant) might just wink at me or something; just waiting for something like that. Never happened. Apparently computer programmers for robots don't have a sense of humor and don't throw things like that in. I mean seriously, would it be that hard? Just make it so that it winks like once every 2 hours; just infrequently enough so that people don't believe it happened (hmm, this is beginning to sound like Fight Club now. Subconscious taking over. I am Mark's Half-drunk Tired Brain). 

"Did that thing just give me the finger?"...that's the Kangaoala btw

Despite the fact that this part of the park was clearly meant for children ages 4-12, I still played the game and enjoyed myself. I even made a video of all the breakdancing extinct robot animals (maybe I'll try to post it; lighting was poor so it might not have worked). Anyway, after my traverse through the animated marsupials, I went to one of the caves. This brings me to another point: whats the difference between a cavern and a cave because these seemed to be just like caverns to me. Ok, just looked it up and it appears to be a semantics issue; I guess in the states they prefer the term cavern (everything has to be bigger and better). I put up some pictures on facebook, so feel free to check em out. Here's one of my favourites of the stalactite formations from the Alexandria cave:

Man, I'm super tired. This is going to be a terrible post. I think I only started writing it (beside boredom of course) was to put up some more awesome music I've found (even though I'm most assured no one is checking that stuff out. I still feel it my duty to promote good music that most likely won't reach american soils). 

Anyway, before leaving this island/country/continent/penal colony, I'm hitting up the Great Ocean Road for a couple days then heading to Tasmania for 3 days. The Great Ocean Road is a section of road on the southern coast that runs right along the coastline a couple hours outside Melbourne. Supposed to have great views. Should be a good time. I mean who doesn't like waves hitting rocks? Hopefully I'll get to see a Tassie devil and a platypus while in Tas. And if Tv has taught me anything is that tasmanian devils travel via spinning (and were genetically engineered by the Warner Brothers now defunct research group) and that platypuses are make believe like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. 

These things are real; they're mammals but they actually lay eggs, have a duck bill, beaver tail, otter feet and have a venomous spike on the back feet of the male. Can't make this stuff up. Seriously...how did this evolve? Yep, the duckbill was an advantageous evolutionary trait, yep the eggs too, uhhh and the venom foot, sure.

AUSSIE MUSIC TIME:


So I discovered what is one of the best albums I've seen in a while: Hungry Kids of Hungary - Escapades. First album in a while where I have liked every song on it. I previously posted one of them but here's a few more from the album and another song by an Aussie artist that I enjoy (hopefully they all work too).


Hungry Kids of Hungary - wristwatch

Hungry Kids of Hungary - set it right

Hungry Kids of Hungary - Coming Around

Andy Bull - Dog (feat. Lisa Mitchell)

Kangaroos are bipedal - why didn't THEY evolve to take down Osama? or USA! USA! USA!

Due to recent events, I decided to theme the blog title as such. Anyway, I'm not gonna talk about that at all so now on to something completely different (though I may have to come back to the bipedal nature of the kangaroo).

The beginning of the end is near in Australia...in terms of my presence in the this upside-down country anyway. My last day of work is May 13th. At which point I'll do a week of traveling before heading back home. Not nearly as much travel time as I would have wanted but unfortunately money is used in exchange of goods and services here too and I don't really have a surplus of said money (which here is mostly in annoying coin form).

You know how many of these I've lost?!? Why coins, Australia! WHY!

Hmm....not sure why I started writing this blog; I don't even have anything to ramble on about. I should probably grab another beer (perhaps a Coopers shall I seek). So yeah, kangaroos were bipedal animals long before man was, how come they didn't become super intelligent and invent iPods? I guess as necessary it is to free the hands to really be able to advance as a species you still need a large enough brain in order to use those hands for tools. Thanks to kangaroos' tiny little skulls, they inherently have tiny little brains. That and they only eat grass which I'm going to assume does not provide enough protein in order to develop a large brain. So all you vegans out there can thank your ancient carnivore ancestors for allowing the human race to develop enough to be able to cultivate soy so you can get your precious protein. "That's the way you debate!"

"Whoa, I blacked out. What happened?

Actually, I really have no idea what I'm talking about. Hell, almost all dinosaurs were bipedal and pretty dumb and they basically held down the Earth for like 150 million years? (except, unless Movies have taught me nothing, Velociraptors are all geniuses....Jurassic Park also taught me that Jeff Goldblum is still a terrible actor).

I guess I should throw something about Australia in here. Went to the Grampian range this past weekend (it's a mountain range and park in western Victoria with lots of hikes and what not). It was kinda raining the whole time so that put a damper (literally) on it. Got to see some wallabys and kangaroos up close which was cool. Also got to see some aboriginal rock art. So I got that going for me. All I need to see now is a wombat, tasmanian devil and a dingo and I'll have seen most of the crazy animals here in the wild. Oh wait, have to see a platypus somehow too. Ohhhh Australia: what God created during his stoner days.

Fancy that?, Fun Australian Facts:

-Arvo somehow means afternoon. I get the A and the R and, hell, even the O but the V? I think somebody had a typo and just went with (because ya see Australians are a really laid-back people). I'm just gonna call it Arno anyway.

"I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls, but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. And Pringles is a laid-back company -- they said, 'F**k it. Cut 'em up.'-Mitch Hedberg

-Ta means thank you. I guess I sort of get that one, but seriously? does every word need a nickname? Then again I suppose DC has the equivalent "scume" for excuse me. (ha, Scume Jones...forgot about that one..sorry inside joke)
-I'm not even going to get started on the million different ways to order a beer. Each state seems to have it's own term for the size of beer you want.
-pretty sure a guy at work uses savvy all the time; he's like an Australian Jack Sparrow....then again I could be mishearing him which tends to happen daily.

Well, I think thats just about enough nothingness. You are all probably dumber for having read it. May god have mercy on your souls.

"Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

And of course, some good (mostly) Australian music I very highly recommend:

San Cisco - Golden Revolver

Loon Lake - In the Summer

and the video I came soo close to getting casted for: SebastiAn - Embody ...sorry, not Australian

BONUS VIDEO: 

If you haven't seen it yet, the Beastie Boys made a hilarious short film starring all sorts of random famous people (my favorite is Will Arnett clearly doing a reference to GOB Bluth)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evA-R9OS-Vo

Not too many more blogs after this. I'm terribly sorry to both of you.

Mad Mark: Beyond Penola-(bore)dome or I just dropped a huge blog, I hope it doesn't clog the internet

So over this past weekend, everyone got fri-tues off - the old solid 5 day weekend (a drinkers holiday, time-traveler's delight or The Curious Case of Benjamin's Bingeing). So because it was a  late Easter (which almost all of Australia gets off the Friday and Monday) it coincided with another holiday in Australia that takes place on the 26th of April (Anzac Day, like a memorial day in Oz and NZ) and thus created the perfect storm of a 5 day weekend. If I could buy stock in Coopers ale right now, I would because most of Australia is going to be consuming copious amounts of it over the next several days. They might as well make Wednesday a "memorial day" for all the brain and liver cells that fought so nobly over the weekend.

Anyway, so I decided I needed to high-tail it out of Penola for this magical weekend. I talked with my buddy Jeff who was working in McLaren Vale (south of Adelaide, pretty famous wine region) and sorted out to head that way for the weekend. Unfortunately this meant I needed to rent a car, since the ute I've been using is barely even road-legal ("but let's keep that on the down-low, she's not exactly street legal...Hey, Mike!")

In honor of the above Will Ferrell quote, I added this: what might be the greatest picture of him ever made...by man. No idea what it's from but I want one done like it (possibly even a poster of this.)

So I got a rental car organized and set out for McLaren Vale, what should have been about a 5 hours drive; 5 hours had I brought a map with me. Yeah, I almost made it there without getting lost, till I noticed I was cruising along the southern coast. Kinda missed a right about ohhh 50 km's ago. I ended up making it to "the vale" as it's known not too late (though I did tack on some extra miles that I really didn't need since I only had a limited amount for the trip). Going off topic slightly, in reference to my Mad Max beyond thunderdome post title, there's a town near Penola called Bordertown. Every time I see it on a sign I think of Bartertown in Mad max and imagine crazy weaponized cars and Tina Turner as mayor (if you haven't seen Mad Max beyond thunderdome, you really have no idea what I'm talking about and should probably watch it; it's probably on AMC or something right now. It stars a young Mel Gibson before everyone knew he was crazy and antisemitic).

What the locals might be driving in Bordertown.

Anyway, I ended up making to Mclaren vale, eventually. I've already written too much so to sum up the long weekend:

-drank lots of wine (a good change because I really haven't been enjoying enough wine), but actually imbibed in quite a few beers also.

-tasted at about 15 wineries in McLaren vale and the Adelaide hills (which was awesome). Favorite was Shaw and Smith winery in the Adelaide hills; really great stuff.

-purchased too much wine (looks like I'll have to start picking up on my wine consumption after the trip as well)

-Jeff's harvest beard shat on mine. I think it actually forced my facial hairs back into their pores. For an idea of what he is currently rocking please refer to the picture of Hacksaw Jim Duggan below (clearly Jeff you have to grow another for the Cali harvest and be Hacksaw Jim Duggan for Halloween).

American Hero: Jim Duggan

-GOT TO SEE A KOALA IN THE WILD! This thing just sauntered out in the road while I was out tasting at a place in the adelaide hills; walking around like he owns the place. He then proceeded to climb a tree (mind you not euklyptus....evolution?) where I took pictures of the mythical beast.

Deadly Drop-bear. They DO exist.

-Also got to see plenty of Kangaroos. Hell, I almost hit one on the road. Didn't really get a great picture of one though, it was little too dark and there were just slightly too far away.

Hard to see, but there's a little Joey by the side of the road. Might need to click on the picture to see the large version.

All in all had a great weekend. McLaren vale is much nicer than Penola and other harvest workers are there unlike in Penola where it seems to be just me. Big thanks to Jeff, John, Chris, and Ben for letting me crash at their place.

And as is my new tradition, some good Aussie music (all actually Australian this time):

Boy in a Box: Glitter, Gold, Ruin

Oh Mercy - Let me Go (just noticed I added this twice...ahh well, its that good)

A Day in the Life or when in Penola....do as...(also more awesome music)

6:14 am: Music begins playing in dream; the kick. Luckily I have an answer - the snooze button (the plot of the movie inception would have been much easier had they known about the power of the snooze button). (sidenote: I've done a fair bit of research on deciding what songs make me the least angry and irritable about waking up; Bob Marley is always a good choice. I personally like the little-known "thank you lord" by him. Currently "home" by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes is waking me up and doesn't seem to piss me off too much (though, ultimately I have now ruined this song by associating it with waking up)

6:24 am: Music again?. Confusion. Scramble for snooze button. (occasional spill of ill-placed wasabi peas package on night stand)

Wasabi is like a Japanese preservative, right? They're still good to eat, right?

6:34 am: Fuck you Edward Sharpe, no one care where home is. Snooze prevails once more.

6:44 am: Music. Fine I get it. I begrudgingly get out bed and begin the freezing cold walk to the shower. (I miss central heating much more now, especially my feet)

6:50 am: Somewhat more awake from shower. Brush teeth. Floss. Dry off. Get dressed. Tea on, toast in. Vegemite at the ready. Cornflakes in bowl.

7:10 am: Eat vegemite toast, drink tea. Briefly enjoy life.

7:25 am: Look at watch, realize I've been briefly enjoying life for a little more than briefly and am going to be late for work. Grab lunch, throw on boots and get in the ute.

7:26 am: Begin the process of getting my ute out of it's parking space. This generally involves a 4 point turn because I have no power steering and I drive a 1987 Diahatsu Rocky. "I DRIVE a DIAHATSU ROCKY!" (as preformed by Will Ferrell)

1st to 4, in under 60....seconds...gears....dig it

7:35 am: Arrive at winery. Rush in and head to lab. Start calibrating the pH meter so it looks like I've been there for a while (and to anyone from work reading this, it is obviously a novel tale and made up. I'm always on time).

7:35-10:15 am: Putz around at the winery. Often doing lab work, shoveling tanks, setting up lines, etc. Occasionally just pulling a Costanza and acting frustrated and busy even though I'm doing nothing. "George is getting upset!"

"Of course, Absolute Zero!"

10:15: Smoke-o (which is Aussie for coffee break, and is mandatory btw). Couple slices of pizza later and a cup of coffee, back to work.

11:00- 2:00 pm: Generally lots of lab and cellar work. Not even gonna get in to it because no one cares. It's basically a shit ton of enzymatic assays, and other stuff to tell me whats in the wine.

2:00 pm: Lunch.

2:30 - whenever: TCOB (taking care of business..."we chose to use one resume for the both of us; you know, going green"..had to throw the always sunny reference in there)

end of day (anywhere from 5:30 - 9) and or Beer O'clock, as it's called: Everyone sits down and enjoys a Cooper's sparkling ale. Often several are enjoyed. Occasionally another beer is presented other than Coopers. Often a roadie is taken (and is legal here....amazing...what an age we live in)

end of day (+ 2-3 beers) pm: get home, park my ute for 5 minutes. Eat. Possibly enjoy another fine Coopers ale. Watch a little TV on my computer (thank god I went nuts and downloaded so much). Putz around on the interweb and if I'm really bored, write a stupid blog entry. Recently, I've had the joy of trying to find a job for next harvest, which is ever so much fun, isn't that right Mary Poppins?

11:15 pm: Decide I should probably go to sleep since I have to get up at 6:30.

11:45 pm: Eventually make the move to finally go to sleep.

12:10 am : Fall asleep and hopefully not dream of work (this happened once, it's the worst nightmare - you're working 24 hours a day, only it seems like even more cause dream time is slow (thank you Inception, again).

6:14 am : wake, snooze, rinse, repeat.


MORE AUSSIE MUSIC (the Australian-American government has hired me to promote Australian artists in the US). This week, some really awesome shit. Enjoy:

Oh Mercy - Let me go (Aussie band, from a Triple J recording no less)

Young the Giant - the Apartment (actually Californian)

Andy Bull - Last Waltz (love this song):

You can't spell Penola without "my god this town is boring" w/ bonus music at no extra cost

Yeah that's how I feel about Penola and now a random thought stream (enjoy or be afraid):

There is no good way to pour honey; it's clear now why god portions it out in bear shaped squeeze bottles.

I'm not sure if there is such a thing as eating too much yogurt but I'm currently testing the hypothesis (maybe Jamie Lee Curtis and her probiotic cronies will contact me about my research).

Forget Texas, everything is really bigger in Australia; insects anyway (or I guess I should say arthropods..."hey buddy did you catch the nerd"). Most spiders are the size of your palm and flies buzz around sounding like lawn mowers. Here regular flies are the size of horse flies and Horse flies are called that because they actually are the size of small horses.

I feel that in tv shows and movies where they have black tar heroin they use vegemite.

Down here they are about to pass a ruling that will make all cigarettes come in the same generic package. Personally I only see this benefiting people that smoke really classless brands (all brands are classless, remember kids; stay in class, you'll always have school) since no one will no longer know that they buy the cheap crackhead brand of cigarettes.

Quiche tastes pretty bad microwaved the next day.

In Australia, when you're drunk or hungover the room actually spins clockwise unlike counter-clockwise like in the northern hemisphere ......yeah, im recycling jokes; my blog is going green.

I think they add nicotine to Tim-tam cookies because I just can't stop eating them and I get irritable when I don't get my fix. The caramel kinds might have something even more potent added;nothing worse than coming off a caramel timtam bender.

I just realized this - they drive on the LEFT hand side of the road here! This explains why everyone keeps trying to play chicken with me.

Also on the subject of cars, you can't indicate by turning on the windshield wiper (granted I haven't done this in quite a while). You also can't drive from the passenger seat, funny enough. (to clarify for the folks Stateside, the windshield wiper thing is where the indicator is on US cars... you get where I'm going there? with the joke, there Fry-man?)

I live in a half time zone. Yeah so when it's 9:30 here, it's at the hour everywhere else in the world. Seriously, Australia? It just makes it confusing when explaining what time it is to people. I guess I should be glad I'm not in Phoenix where they just make up whatever timezone they want to follow (look it up).

I guess that's enough ramblings of a mad black woman, no wait that might be a Tyler Perry movie; that guy's alright, high five! Does he own TBS yet? Anyone else think he's the bizarro-world version of Ted Turner (or may Ted is the bizarro version since he's somewhat evil)? Perhaps we'll delve into that deep subject matter in the next chapter.

And now some more awesome Australian music (actually some almost all of these bands might not be from Oz but get plenty of play out here). Enjoy!

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man (pretty sure they're British)

Peter, Bjorn, and John - Second Chance (definitely from Sweden)

Alexander Ebert - Truth (yep, he's American...not looking good for the aussies)

Ok I found one Aussie this time: Emma Louise - Jungle

I decided to come back and add another Aussie band: Hungry Kids of Hungary - The vacationer